Day 3

So.  Scott’s currently at drill for the week and won’t be coming home until some unknown time on Sunday.

Arg, I miss him so much already.

What really sucks though, is he had to miss our year and a half anniversary (because yes, I do celebrate more than the year marks).  Since he had to prepare for drill, we didn’t even get to go to dinner together the night before.  I had wanted to go to this local Italian restaurant, but since we couldn’t, we ordered in pasta from Pizza Hut.  Still delicious and still nice.. it meant more time for snuggles after haha.

Honestly, I’m so surprised and so happy to find that even after all this time together, even after our 5 years of prior friendship, we can still feel this way about each other.  He still opens doors for me, still buys me flowers randomly to surprise me at work, still snuggles with me every night and every morning, still takes me out on dates, and still makes me unbelievably happy.  What more can a girl ask for?

Truth be told though, this relationship is kind of ruining my social life.. but I’m not sure I really care.  That part kind of worries me the most.  The thing is, I love just staying home with him.  I don’t feel the need to go out and drink or party or dance the night away to enjoy my night.  I’ll enjoy it no matter what I do because, well, I’m happy.  But I should still have friends and not just my best friend on the other side of the country.  I need to be willing to put in the time and effort it takes to keep friendships alive.

Then, when there are more nights like tonight, I’ll have someone to go and rant to about this.  I think that’s why my journals die away when I’m in a happy relationship too.  There’s nothing to rant, rave, or complain about.  Small things blow over and any bigger issues that arise I discuss with him.  Scott helps fix things so there’s no need to vent.  Scott can’t always be here though and this is a good example of that.  I may be able to get away with not having friends to turn to for a few days or a even a few weeks, but I’m going to need friends around when he’s gone for seven months.  I’m just afraid that there won’t be any at this point.

When I think about it though, maybe this time alone is a really good thing.  I haven’t really roamed around in my own head like this for a while.  Just sat and thought.  It’s kind of nice to have a chance to remind myself who I am.

I was actually talking to a coworker today at lunch and without realizing the depth of it, I admitted that even at 22 years old, I have yet to find anything to be truly passionate about.  Is that bad?  The only thing I’m passionate about is love.  Is that bad?  I want to know what it is I should be doing with my life.  I’d never be satisfied as a stay at home wife/mom.  I’d never be satisfied working as a sales associate like I’m currently doing.  I’ve sort of toyed with the idea of owning my own business lately, though I have no immediate way of doing that of course.  I like the idea though.  But what kind of business would it be?  I haven’t a clue.

But maybe.  Maybe.